So my last posting was about the time our team spent together in Copper Mountain at Briefing, and this posting is kind of piggy backing off of some things brought up during the week in Copper Mountain.  Here are some thoughts on what I've had a hard time processing through in the past 2 weeks. 

 

I think being at briefing, spending time with the team, and working through details of the trip over our seven days together left me processing through a lot. I left briefing extremely excited for my STINT year in South Africa, but was really overwhelmed with the thought of leaving in only 4 months. After a lot of praying and several good conversations, I realize that I have spent a lot of time holding onto my life here in Colorado. It is difficult for me to imagine a life outside of the one the Lord has built for me here. I love my life here in Denver and it is completely terrifying to think about starting over in South Africa. 

 

When I think about leaving my family, friends, and church my heart feels so heavy, and often I am clouded by my emotion in the situation. Its no surprise that I struggle with how to process all of my emotion, so sorting through my thoughts and emotion in this has been really overwhelming for me. This entire process of preparing to move to South Africa has been about trusting not only that the Lord has a plan for my life, but also that his plan is GOOD! The other day I was reading through Matthew 13, The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl, and realized something that has changed my perspective.

 

Matt 13:44-46

 

“The Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

         Again, the Kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

 

While reading this I found myself stuck on the phrase “in his joy went…”. I am not pursuing South Africa in joy. I am already missing what I am going to have to leave and forgetting all of the amazing things God is sending me into to. The week I was at briefing I realized that it was a little over a year ago that I felt God pushing me to STINT in South Africa. I was on summer project in South Africa, and experienced the treasure that South Africa is. I guess what I realized was that South Africa is like my pearl, and my desire is to leave in my JOY because what God has for me next year in South Africa is worth more than I could ever dream up for my life hear in Denver.

I think this will be something I will struggle with as our leave date approaches, but I have hope that the Lord will continue to teach me and prepare me for my STINT year.

Thanks for reading through this and processing with me.